Someone Like You
by lyricalgirl0521
Summary: Getting away from it all Jacob visits his sister in Chicago.  When he sees HER, all the memories come rushing back.  Will he go to her?  Will she take him back?


So…. This is my first attempt at writing something after reading fan fiction for a while now. I'm a tad nervous for people's reactions.

I would like to thank Erin from Sparkly Red Pen for being the beta for this. I truly appreciated the feedback and help!

Warnings and Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It's all Stephenie Meyer's. I'm just playing with her creations.

I also don't own the song. It belongs to Adele Laurie Blue Adkins and Daniel Dodd Wilson

This story is rated M for crude language, violence, drug use and sex.

Jacob POV

I breathe in the warm Chicago air, letting it cleanse my lungs and my soul. It felt good to be out of Washington. I had spent the last six months in that rehab center, my third time in the last five years. What kind of loser has to go to rehab three times in five years? I can say with certainty that it was the last time. I voluntarily stayed longer this time. The detox program was usually three months, but both my shrink and I had agreed that I should stay a little longer and see him more to ensure that I wouldn't relapse. I had put my friends and family through hell, and I didn't want to do that to them again. Once I finished my program, my dad, Billy, and my sister, Rachel, suggested I help her move to Chicago with her new husband Paul. I quickly agreed because Washington was becoming a bit much for me. All the memories in Forks and La Push hurt my soul, and a change of scenery would do me well, even if it was only for a couple of weeks.

We'd been in Chicago for a week, and were in the process of unpacking boxes. I volunteered to walk to the deli down the street and pick up lunch for all of us. I needed to get out of the house, and get some fresh air. I was starting to feel claustrophobic. The walk would do me good. As I was about to walk through the door of the deli, I spotted a familiar head of brown hair. No, it couldn't be her; tons of people have brown hair. Then it happened. She tilted her head back and laughed. It was her, Bella. My breath caught in my throat. I suddenly found it hard to breathe. I was frozen to my spot outside the door with my hand on the knob. Some asshole behind me cleared his throat. I jumped in surprise, and moved out of the way. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was still as beautiful as the last time I saw her, five years ago.

Bella Swan and I grew up together in Forks, Washington. Technically, I grew up on the Quileute reservation, La Push. Charlie, Bella's father and my dad were best friends so naturally, Bella and I played together. We became best friends growing up. When puberty hit I saw her as more than that. I was in love with her. I knew she didn't feel the same way, but I never gave up hope. Every school dance that Forks High School held, I offered to take her, and because I went to school on the reservation we didn't have dances like the public high schools did. She would always turn me down saying that dances weren't her "thing." I was persistent though. I kept asking her out, asking her to give me a chance, be my girlfriend. At long last my persistence payed off. She agreed to one movie date our senior year of high school, and it grew from there. I should have known then that it was a pity date, but I was too excited to care.

Looking back I can see the pressure from Charlie for us to date as well. It was the perfect combination to him, a boy he had grown to love as a son, and his only daughter, a match made in heaven.

We were sending out college applications and making plans for our future. While she was planning a future without me, even if I didn't see it, I was determined to follow her to college and marry her. Bella was smart. I mean super smart. She got offers from colleges everywhere, Harvard, Yale, Princeton, and UCLA. Me, I was not what they call "book smart," but I had one thing going for me, football. I knew that if I worked hard I could get an athletic scholarship. I begged my dad to let me play for the Forks High Spartans. Forks had a small high school and not enough kids to have a football team so; they let us boys from the reservation join. I knew I had some stiff competition from the bigger high schools, but I had to do whatever possible.

That's when I started it, steroids. One of my friends from the reservation, Sam, gave me my first bottle. He was awarded a football scholarship to the UCLA, and I looked up to him. If he could get into UCLA on a football scholarship then I was destined to get into wherever Bella was going to go if I took his advice. I just needed to get the scouts' attention. I needed an extra edge. I knew I had the skill but if I had the size as well, then they couldn't say no. The bigger I was, the more attention I got. I couldn't stop. I was desperate. Bella was on her way out of Washington and I couldn't let her leave without me. I just wish I had seen it then. She didn't love me. Yes, she cared about me, and yes, she probably loved me, but she wasn't in love with me. Not the way I was in love with her. I should have realized.

"Bella, I love you," I would tell her.

She would never say it back. She would just say, "Jake I care about you," or she would just smile tightly at me. She also wouldn't make love to me. She always said it didn't feel right.

"I think we should go back to being just friends Jacob," she said to me out of the blue one day. "I just don't feel as strongly for you as you do for me."

I could feel my heart starting to shatter. "Bella, no don't do this. You know that we belong together. Bells, don't leave me, I love you so much," I begged.

"Jake, I'm sorry. I know you love me, but I just don't feel that way about you. I tried. I want to love you like you love me but I don't, I can't. Please don't hate me."

"I don't hate you Bells. I could never hate you. I love you," I said as I looked into her eyes, willing her to believe me. I could see the tears forming and it broke my heart even further. "God, I never thought it would feel like this."

"What?"

"My heart breaking."

That set her off, she started crying and all I could do was hug her to me and pray that she could feel how much I loved her even if she didn't feel the same.

"Jake, I don't want to do this to you. I care about you so much. The last thing I want to do is hurt you," she said through her tears.

"I know Bells, I know." It was all I could do to keep my tears at bay.

She didn't want to lead me on, especially with our futures so undecided. I had been offered scholarships to three schools, the University of Washington, Florida State, and the University of Illinois. I figured Bella would go to Washington to stay near Charlie or even Florida State because her mother, Renee, lived in Jacksonville. She surprised us all when on New Year's Eve she announced her intention to go to Northwestern University in Chicago. That made my decision easy, U of I it was.

Even though Bella and I weren't dating, we remained best friends. I was excited to be going to Champaign for college. With Bella in Chicago, that meant we were only three hours away from each other. We told each other we'd visit as much as we could. With football keeping me busy, Bella would have to come see me in the fall. She would usually come for the homecoming game, and whenever Northwestern played us.

College was not what I was expecting. I figured since I was on an athletic scholarship, I wouldn't feel so much pressure from my professors. I was wrong. It turns out if I didn't maintain my grade point average; they would suspend me from the team. I was so stressed when one of my teammates, offered me some cocaine to relax. I was a little worried how I would react to it because I was still injecting the steroids. Playing for a Big Ten school meant players that were bigger than me, better than me, and smarter. I was worried about losing my scholarship. If I didn't play as well as the other players, they would surely kick me off the team. He assured me I would be fine. I snorted the first line, and didn't feel a difference right away so, I did another line. Man, I was flying high and it felt great. I didn't feel the pressure of everyday life and it was nice to forget about school, work, football, and the fact that the girl I loved didn't love me in return.

The pattern continued. I would be stressed from the football, and classes then at a party at the end of the week, someone would offer me something to "relax". I was trying to hide all my bad habits from Bella, but now that I look back on it, she knew something was up. She would ask why I got so mad at the tinniest things, and why I was so aggressive with other guys or even with some of the girls that flirted with me. I just blew off her questions, and told her it was stress. She could tell I was lying but left it alone.

I was brought out of my reminiscing when someone exited the deli. I couldn't stop staring at her. Seeing her was bringing up memories I've tried to forget over the last five years. She bent over to grab something off the floor. That's when I saw him. She wasn't alone. She was with a man. I looked at him a little closer. Of course it was him, Edward Cullen. She had married the jack ass. Okay, maybe he wasn't a jack ass. From what Charlie tells my dad, he treats her like a queen and she couldn't be happier. I can tell just by looking at her. Her smile is bright and beautiful. She looks at him with so much love and adoration, and he looked at her the same way. I can see that the love between them was as strong as it was the day she introduced me to him.

"Bells, you're still coming down for the game this weekend right?" I asked her anxiously. It was homecoming weekend, and that was when she usually visited me down here in Champaign.

"Yes Jake, I'll be there. I um, I…" She was trying to tell me something, and by the way she was stuttering it was not good. Bella never stuttered. She always knew how to articulate herself.

"Bella, whatever it is, just tell me."

"How do you know I need to tell you something?"

"I know you Bells. I'm your best friend, or did you forget?" I teased.

"Of course I know you're my best friend. It's just; I'm not coming alone on Friday. I'm bringing someone."

"Oh, ok. Well is she hot? Single?" I was trying to lighten the mood, but I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Jacob," she sighed. "It's not a she, it's a he. It's my boyfriend. His name is Edward and we've been dating for five months."

I couldn't believe it. I didn't know what to say to her. She had never mentioned that she was dating anyone in the three years we've been in college.

"Charlie and your dad are coming in this weekend to see you play and I figured it would be a good time for Edward to meet the other two important men in my life because he's important to me too."

"Bella, why didn't you ever say anything to me about him? I didn't think you were dating anyone. In the three years we've been in college, you've never mentioned that you were ever dating. I thought you were just concentrating on school." I was too shocked to even register that she had said he was important to her.

"Jacob, I never said anything about anyone I dated because they were never serious. It was one or two dates and that was it. I didn't want to say anything about anyone until I knew I was headed into a serious relationship with them. Why bring anyone up, when I would have to explain later that we were no longer together?" she replied.

So this was serious. She's telling me about him because it's serious. "So, it's serious then?" I asked hoping to hear her say no, but knowing deep down she wouldn't.

"Yes, it's serious. Jake, I love him."

I squeezed my eyes shut, and gripped the phone tighter trying to erase the conversation from my mind. I always clung desperately to the notion that maybe, after we graduated and I was playing for the NFL or earning money working somewhere, I could prove to her that I could take care of her and she would realize that she's been in love with me all along but was just too afraid to admit it. Then it hit me, she said she loved him. She never told me she loved me. I was losing her. "Bella, I have to go to practice," I said dejectedly. I couldn't be on the phone with her anymore. I could feel the anger rise inside of me. Irrational anger, yes, but I couldn't find it in me at that moment to care. She dated this guy for five months, and she claims she's in love with him. We've known each other our whole lives, and she couldn't even bring herself to say those words to me.

"Alright Jake, I'll see you this weekend," she said quietly.

"See ya Bells."

I headed to practice trying to channel my anger into something more useful. I snapped at any of my teammates that tried to ask me what was wrong. I was rough on the field, being overly aggressive. My coaches called me out on it and I just told them I was trying to prepare the team for the big game and if they couldn't handle me, then they wouldn't be able to handle the opposing team.

"Black, lets hit the bars after we shower," James, one of my teammates said.

"Yeah I'll meet you at our usual place," I replied. I was ready to kick back with my teammates and a few drinks, maybe shoot a few lines and find a willing girl to take home to relieve the tension. After my shower I still had to administer my steroid shot. While I was injecting the drug, I heard the locker room door open and one of the new players, walked in and saw me. He was standing there staring at me.

"What, what are you doing?" he asked.

"What the fuck does it look like? I'm knitting a sweater. If you know what's good for you you'll keep your fucking mouth shut. If you tell anyone, I'll make you pay." The kid just stared at me while I threw the rest of my shit in my locker, grabbed my jacket and left him standing there.

I met up with James at our usual bar and he already had two girls with him, one for him, and one for me. "Black, it's about time you got here mother fucker," James shouted. The guy was already trashed. "This is Jessica," he said as he motioned towards the girl he had his arm around. "And that is Lauren," he said as an introduction to his companion's friend. She was pretty I guess. She was tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, and had a nice rack.

After a few drinks we took the girls back to James' apartment. He was also here at U of I on a football scholarship, but he also came from a wealthy family so his parents rented him a big ass apartment so he wouldn't have to stay in a dorm. That was also how he could afford all the drugs. He kept me plied with alcohol, drugs, and girls. He was living the life, and I was riding on his coat tails. When we got back to James' place, he brought out the coke. We all took turns snorting lines and then I took Lauren back to the spare bedroom.

After she sucked me off, I went back out to the living room to see what else James had in his stash since my high was fading. That's when I saw him. James was shooting up. "Dude, what the fuck are you doing?" I asked James.

"Heroin. You wanna try?" he responded.

I had never done it before, and to be honest, I knew that I shouldn't, but I didn't let it stop me. I was stressed from practice, school, and most of all Bella. I wanted to feel anything but the pain in my chest. "Yeah man. Show me what to do."

"Alright, go grab a spoon from the kitchen and I'll show you what to do."

I did as he said and went and grabbed a spoon. I watched as he took out alcohol pads and cleaned the spoon. Then I watched as he prepared the drug. He pulled out a bottle of water and poured some out and mixed the tiniest bit of vinegar until the heroin dissolved. Then he took out his lighter and started heating the mixture in the spoon. "Always make sure you never share spoons," he warned me. Then he told me to tie a tourniquet on my arm and find a vein. This, I already knew how to do. It was second nature to me since I'd been injecting steroids for so long. He un-wrapped a new syringe and drew up the liquid. He handed me the heroin filled syringe and said, "Enjoy."

I took the syringe from him, and found a vein. I inserted the needle and released the tourniquet slowly, then slowly pushed the plunger down. When all the liquid had been released into my blood stream, I slowly pulled the needle out. James handed me some gauze. I put some pressure on the injection site to stop any bleeding, sat back, and enjoyed my high.

After a few quiet minutes, I told James I was going to head back into the bedroom for round two. I found Lauren lying naked in the bed patiently waiting for me. When she heard me come in she looked me straight in the eyes and started touching herself. Thank God she was already trying to get herself off; because I was so fucking horny I didn't want to deal with foreplay. I took my boxers off and started stroking my cock. "Are you ready for me beautiful," I asked her as I made my way onto the bed.

"I've been waiting for you big boy," she replied. God, she was being so fucking corny it was annoying.

I did the only thing I could think of at the moment to stop her from talking; I shoved my cock into her mouth to shut her up. She gagged a bit when I hit the back of her throat but I didn't care. She leaned up on her elbows so she could suck me better. I grabbed the headboard and started fucking her mouth in earnest. When I felt my balls start to tighten, I knew I was close. I pulled out of her mouth, moved down her body and flipped her over. I didn't want to look into her blue eyes as I fucked her senseless. I wanted to be looking into warm brown eyes, Bella's eyes, not her cold blue ones. I pulled her up to her knees, grabbed onto her hips and slammed my hard cock into her. I set a punishing pace, fucking her hard and fast.

"Oww," I heard her say, but I didn't care

"I want to hear you scream my name," I said as I pulled her long blonde hair and wrapped it around my hand and pulled it back. I slammed my hips into hers over and over not caring if I was hurting her in the process. I could feel my orgasm quickly approaching and thrust into her faster and harder. I pulled her up against my chest, bent my head to her shoulder and bit her while I came. Lauren screamed, though I don't know if it was from the pain or pleasure. After I had emptied myself in her, I pulled out and collapsed on the bed panting. While trying to catch my breath, it suddenly dawned on me, "Shit, we didn't use a condom."

"It's alright. I'm on the pill and I'm clean," Lauren answered breathlessly.

"Good, I'm clean too." Thank God I always remembered to use a condom before. The last thing I needed was to get some STD, or worse, get some girl pregnant while I'm trying to win Bella back. I got up, and started pulling on my clothes.

"Where are you going," Lauren asked me.

"I'm going home. You can stay here, James won't mind." Just then we heard loud moaning coming from James' bedroom. "He's still having a bit of fun with your friend," I said while I smirked at her. "I'm sure if you wanted to join them he'd welcome you with open arms."

"That's it? You're just going to leave me here?" she screeched.

"Please, Lauren, don't be so delusional. You knew going into this, tonight was no strings attached sex." I was being an asshole and I knew it. I walked out of the room with her still gaping at me.

When I got home, I made my way to my bedroom, not caring if I woke my roommate. I stripped and collapsed in my bed and fell right asleep.

It was game day and I need to be on top of things. I had run into that fucker that caught me injecting my steroids the other day but he quickly averted his eyes and walked away. He knew better than to open his big mouth and rat me out. Besides, I wasn't the only one doing it. He had to know that ratting me out meant getting others in trouble as well. I was meeting Bella and the cock-sucker boyfriend of hers after the game at a bar in town. I was excited to see her, but I had a game to win first.

We ended up losing, and I was pissed. I wasn't the only one. After our coach got done yelling at us in the locker room we showered, dressed, and left for the night. A bunch of the other guys were headed to the bars too. We needed to get our minds off the loss. As soon as I stepped foot into the bar I saw her. She was all smiles as she was talking to her dad. They were all sitting at a table, Bella, Charlie, and my dad. There was no sign of the boyfriend though. Maybe they broke up. I walked over with a huge smile on my face and pulled Bella into a hug. "Jake," she breathed.

"Hiya Bells," I replied, then greeted Charlie and my dad with a handshake and a hug. They told me the usual stuff, like how great the game was and how much bigger I seemed to be since the last time they saw me. I saw Bella give Charlie a sideways glance when he said that but I tried to ignore it. "So, how have you been Bella?" I asked trying to take the attention off myself.

"I've been really great Jake. School has been going well and-," she started to trail off and I saw her staring straight behind me with a huge smile on her face. She stood up and I looked behind me to see what had caught her attention. There were two guys headed in our direction with a bunch of beers. Bella walked over to them to take some of the drinks and put them on the table then turned to one of the guys and pulled him over to me. "Jake, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend Edward Cullen. Edward, this is my best friend Jacob Black."

He was tall, probably my height, he was well toned, you could tell he worked out but he's defiantly not as muscled as I was. I could take him. He stuck his hand out for a shake in greeting, "It's great to meet you. Bella has told me so much about you."

"You too Edward."

"Oh yeah," Bella interrupted, "this is Edward's brother, Emmett. You should know him Jake; he's on the team with you, though he's new this year."

I turned around and saw the punk ass that caught me shooting up last week. Shit. I hope he doesn't say anything to Bella or his brother. "Uh, yeah. Hey man, what's up?" I was praying to a higher power that

Bella never finds out about any of the shit I was doing. He just looked at me and then went to sit by Charlie. I found out that this Emmett character was my age, but he transferred from UIC.

Bella and Edward were so lovey dovey with each other, it was making me sick. He was holding her hand, or holding her close to his side and kissing the top of her head or she was kissing his cheek. I couldn't stand it. He shouldn't be the one touching my girl. Bella was mine, even if she didn't know it. I kept glaring at him hoping he would get the hint that I would kick his ass for her. I would do anything to win her back.

Throughout the night I found out that he was in medical school. He had done his undergraduate work at Northwestern and was the TA in Bella's biology class. Then, when the semester ended he asked her out. They had been dating ever since. Five months. They've been dating for five months. God, it made my heart ache just seeing how they looked at each other. They were in love. To make matters worse, Charlie seemed to like him too. He was talking to Edward and Emmett a lot. The only thing I could think of was to drown my sorrows in alcohol. Sometime during the night Emmett's girlfriend came over and he went over to drink with her friends. Bella seemed to know her too since she and Edward left for a while to join them. This left me with my dad and Charlie. They looked at me like they were concerned. "Don't you think you've had enough to drink Jacob?" my dad asked me.

"Nope."

"Jake, I think maybe you should start drinking some water," Charlie said while pushing a glass of water towards me.

"I'm not drinking the fucking water! I'm a fucking adult. I can do whatever the fuck I want," I all but screamed at them. My dad and Charlie just stared at me; dumfounded by my outburst. Just then, Bella and Edward came back to the table. I was sure they could sense the tension.

"Edward's going to take Emmett and Rosalie back to her apartment. Can I get a ride back with you guys Dad?" Bella asks.

"Sure Bells, no problem," Charlie responds.

"I'll see you in a little bit baby," Edward says as he leans down to kiss her goodbye.

"Drive safe. I love you," she mumbles against his lips.

"Love you too." I can't listen to this anymore. I made my way to the bathroom and took the packet of white powder out of my pocket. I prep it as best as I could before snorting a line. Then another. After I finish and clean up, I make my way back to the table where I find everyone getting ready to leave.

"Jacob, why don't you come back to the hotel with us, stay the night there, and then we can all go out to breakfast in the morning before we head back to Chicago," Billy asked.

"Yeah Jake! That would be awesome. We really couldn't talk with all the noise tonight. Breakfast would be a great chance for us to really catch up," Bella exclaimed.

That's all it took for me to say yes. One look into those big chocolate brown eyes was all it took for me to crumble. "Sure. Why not, "I agreed.

We all walked Bella to her room. What shocked me was that she wasn't sharing a room with Charlie.

"Bells, are you staying by yourself?" I asked a little confused.

"Um, no. Edward's staying with me," she blushed.

"Really Charlie? You are allowing him to sleep in the same room as her? Jesus Bella, you're fucking him already?" I screamed.

"Jacob! What is wrong with you? I am an adult and if I want to share a room with my boyfriend then I can. Whether or not we are 'fucking,' as you so eloquently put it, is none of your business," she said indignantly.

Charlie looked at me with narrowed eyes as he spoke, "Jacob Black, never speak to my daughter that way again! You will show her some damn respect."

"Whatever," I huffed as I started walking down the hall hopefully in the direction my dad's room was in.

When we got to the room, the door slammed shut. "Jacob Black, I don't know what has gotten into you but you owe Bella an apology," my dad yelled angrily.

"Jake, I know you love her and it's hard to see her with someone else but it's been three years. She's happy and in love. You should be happy for her," Charlie said sympathetically.

"I can't Charlie. I love her so fucking much." It took everything I had in me not to cry like a pussy. Hearing her own father tell me that she was in love with another man was more than I could stand. "I'm going to go apologize now so it's not awkward in the morning."

I made my way down the hall to Bella's room and when I went to knock on her door I heard her talking. "Yeah I understand. Make sure they're okay and drive safe. I'll see you in a little bit. I love you too. Bye." She must have been talking to Edward. Knowing that just made my rage boil beneath the surface. I knocked on her door hoping she would want to see me. I could convince her that I was the man for her. I would show her that she loved me just as I loved her.

"Who is it?" she asked tentatively.

"It's Jake. Can I come in? I want to apologize for my behavior earlier. "

She opened the door and looked at me with disappointed eyes. I knew she was mad but seeing her disappointed in me, hurt me more than her being mad at me did. I just stood there looking at her like an idiot. She was beautiful, even in just her sweats and a t-shirt. "Are you going to come in or what?" she asked, irritated that I wasn't moving. She stepped aside so that I could enter the room.

As I stepped in the room I took a look around. It was nice. The room had a similar layout to Billy and Charlie's room. The only difference was the bed. Instead of two queen beds, there was one king size bed. One bed for my Bella and that douche to share. Seeing, knowing, that they were sharing a bed and probably having sex set me off. "What the hell are you doing Bella? Are you fucking him?"

"Are you serious right now Jacob Black? I told you before, that is none of your business. You said you wanted to apologize. If you are just going to yell at me then you can leave."

"Bells, I'm just looking out for you. How well do you really know him, and to be fucking him already? Jesus Bella, I thought you were smarter than that."

"What is wrong with you Jacob? I love him. What difference does it make if I'm having sex with him or not. I love him. He's it for me. I'm going to spend the rest of eternity with him. I thought you'd be happy for me."

"I love you Bella."

"I know you do, and I love you too. You're my best friend Jake."

I started pacing. "No Bella, you don't understand. I'm in love with you. I always have been. You know this. I know you love me too. Edward, he's just a distraction. What you and I had was real, IS real. We were good together Bells, we could do it again, be together." I stopped dead in my tracks. "How can you deny this?" Then I kissed her. I held her face in my hands and slammed my lips to hers. I pried her lips apart with my tongue. She was pushing me away but I couldn't let her go. I wouldn't let her go. I finally had to let go of her lips to breathe. She shoved me away.

"What the hell is wrong with you Jacob? Are you high? I know you're doing drugs Jacob. I can tell. You're different. What is happening to you?" Bella asked with tears in her eyes.

I slapped her. Hard. "How dare you say those things to me? I know you love me Bella, stop denying it." I advanced towards her and she backed up. The more I moved forward the more she moved back. I pushed her down on the bed, and started kissing her again. I pushed her shirt up, and started grabbing her tits. They felt so good in my hands. She was squirming and pushing my hands away, but I didn't care. She tried to punch me, but it damaged her hand more than it hurt me. She was crying, screaming, and begging me to stop but I wouldn't listen. I wanted this. She wanted this, I knew it. She just has to give in and she will feel it too. I was pushing her pants down when I heard it.

"Bella?" It was muffled from behind the door, but I knew he was back. I had to hurry. I was trying to unbutton my pants when I was suddenly ripped from Bella. I was thrown onto the ground, and the next thing I knew punches were being thrown in my face.

"Edward!" I could hear Bella yelling for him to stop faintly through the ringing in my ears.

He got off me, and ran to Bella's side. "Baby, are you ok?" I couldn't be there anymore. I had fucked up and I knew it. I had to run. I left the hotel as fast as I could while Edward was still tending to Bella.

I went back to my apartment. I gathered up all the alcohol I could find. There was pain deep in my heart. I knew things would never be as they were before. I had lost Bella forever. I didn't want to feel anymore. I still had some coke left and some of the heroin James gave me. I downed the rest of the vodka I had in my apartment. I could feel the alcohol coursing through my veins. It wasn't enough. I prepped the heroin, found a vein, and injected it. I was starting to feel better. The ache in my chest was still there, but duller somehow. I needed more. I took the little bag of white powder from my pants pocket, and prepared the lines. I snorted one line, then another. I started feeling light headed. That's what I wanted. I didn't want to feel this pain, this heartache anymore. With thoughts of Bella being lost to me forever, I snorted one last line before I was surrounded by the darkness I craved.

I honestly don't know what happened after that. I woke up in the hospital a day or so later, or so I was told. My dad was sitting at my bedside and my sisters had flown in to be with me. My dad explained to me that I had overdosed and Edward and Charlie had gone to my apartment to confront me about my attack on Bella. They found me unconscious on the floor of my bedroom and called 911. "You're lucky Bella's not going to press charges," my dad told me. "She does have one condition Jacob. She wants you to go to rehab, get your life cleaned up."

I was speechless. "What, lover boy couldn't convince her to go to the cops? What a pussy."

"Jacob Black, I don't know what is wrong with you but I cannot turn a blind eye anymore. I know what you have been doing since high school. I should have said or done something when I saw Sam giving you the steroids, but I didn't. I can't do it anymore. I love you too much to let you ruin your life. Your sisters and I are taking you back to Washington. There's a good rehab center in Seattle. You can finish college once you're clean."

"Dad, I don't have a problem. I'm not an addict. It just got out of control that night. I'm fine."

"Jacob, you hit Bella. You tried to, to r-r-rape her. That is not fine!" he cried. "She doesn't want to see again, for the time being at least. I tried to convince her to come here and talk to you herself but she wouldn't budge. Jake, I never thought you could ever treat a woman like that, let alone Bella."

I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't put up the strong front anymore. I knew I had lost Bella forever before I overdosed, but hearing my dad tell me that she wouldn't even come see me while I was in the hospital finally made everything real. I did have a problem. The drugs I had been putting in my body combined with the emotions I felt for Bella, pushed me to hurt her in a way that could have scarred her forever. I broke down in tears. "I just love her so fucking much dad. I just wanted to kiss her, to show her how good we could be together, but then it got out of control and I couldn't stop. I know it's not an excuse but, I don't know what came over me." My dad held me while I cried.

I had to spend one more day in the hospital. My dad and I talked. A lot. I agreed to go back to Washington and get the help I needed. I surrendered my football scholarship and my dad and sisters helped me pack my belongings and I flew back to Washington with them. After the plane touched down at Sea-TAC Airport, my family went with me to check into the rehab facility that was recommend by, ironically, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, Edward's father.

Unfortunately, that wasn't my only stint in rehab.

As I stand here, watching her laugh and smile while she eats lunch with her husband, I feel jealous because that should be me with her. It could have been until I fucked it all up that fateful night five years ago.

As their server takes the bill from them I see Edward get up to pull Bella's chair back for her to get up. I duck behind the corner so that they don't see me watching them. I see them exit the deli, him next to her holding her hand. I can't really see her anymore because he's blocking my view but I see him bend down to kiss her goodbye. He's wearing scrubs so I can only assume he's going back to work. He starts walking away from her towards me so I move to the side of the building so he doesn't see me. Once he has passed me I look towards the direction Bella was walking in. I don't know what drove me to do it but I start following her. We cross a couple of streets and suddenly I find myself in a nice neighborhood. I follow her down the street some more and see her walking up the walkway of a nice sized house. I stand there on the street a few houses down, and think about what I want to do. I shouldn't disrupt her life right now. She seems happy. I lost my chance to be in her life five years ago.

My feet must have a mind of their own, because I found myself at her front door ringing the doorbell before I even mad a conscience decision to do so.

"Coming!" Her voice is sweeter than I remember it being. She opens the door and I see shock written across her face. "Jacob."

"Hey Bells."

"What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?"

Shit. Now I look like a stalker. Well, I did follow her home. "Bella, it's not like that. I'm sorry to just show up out of the blue but I was helping Rachel and Paul move. I was supposed to get lunch for everyone at the deli. I saw you and I took the chance and followed you home. I couldn't stay away. I need to talk to you." I looked into her eyes imploringly. Our five years apart have been kind to her. I finally took a good look at her. Her face was a little fuller. Then I noticed her belly, her baby bump. She was pregnant. She was living the life she deserved. I was so stupid to think that I could come here and disrupt her life, persuade her to take me back. "Never mind, I shouldn't have come here. I'm sorry Bella."

I started to walk away from her. "Jake, wait."

She was willing to see me. "Bella, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for that night five years ago. I never should have forced myself on you the way I did. I was drunk and high. I know it's not an excuse, but when I realized how much I hurt you, I knew I couldn't continue down the path I was on."

She just looked at me. Her expression was un-readable. I took that as my cue to continue. "I just thought that if you could feel what I was feeling you would know you were in love with me too. I never meant to do what I did. I've cleaned up my life. I'm sober and clean. I'm working at a garage in Seattle. I've changed Bella. I did it for you. I've grown up a lot in the past five years. I love you. For me, it isn't over"

"Jake, I'm sorry. I know you think you're in love with me but it's not love. You're holding onto something that never was. I loved you Jake. Probably not in the way you want me to, but I cared about you so much. You were my best friend." Were. The use of past tense cuts me deeper than ever. "You hurt me Jacob. You forced yourself on me, and that's something I can never forget. I'm sorry but I can't give you what you want."

"I understand."

"You'll find her Jake. You'll find a girl that will fall head over heels for the man I know you can be. You'll find a girl that deserves all the love that you have to give. Then you'll forget all about me. She'll make you so happy that you'll think, 'I don't know what I ever saw in Bella Swan.' Sometimes love lasts, like Edward and me, and sometimes it hurts, but it's always worth it when you find the person you are meant to be with."

I know what she said to be true, but it didn't hurt any less. "Thanks for giving me the chance to apologize. I hope you have a great life. I'm happy all your dreams came true, even if I wasn't the one to give it to you. I love you Bella." I gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead, turned around, and walked away from Bella Swan. I never knew it would be like this, so bittersweet. It hurts so much that she could not return my feelings, but at the same time, I got the closure I needed to move on with my life.

I may still be in the dark, but for the first time in a long time, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if it isn't so bright at the moment.

Thanks for taking the time to read this! I know it was a tad depressing… but I hope you enjoyed it none the less.


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